Narrow Stairs lead to success

"Darker", "experimental" and "emotionally raw"; just some of the buzz phrases banded around by the bloggers before the May 13th release of Death Cab For Cutie's album Narrow Stairs. All of which, seem to be as useful as a CPR unit arriving at a cemetery.

So here comes the rant. Firstly, Death Cab For Cutie have never been the lightest band on the planet; they earned their fame by eloquently and accurately describing the heartaches and insecurities of Generation Y. The band is respected for this because with Ben Gibbard's lyrics and Chris Walla's melodies, they do it better than any of the eyeliner-clad bands screaming about life's mundane difficulties. Secondly, Death Cab have always been experimental, We Looked Like Giants off 2002's Transatlanticism wasn't exactly in A-A-B-A structure, and the title track, an 8-minute epic ode to long distance love took a patient 6 and a half minutes to reach its spine shuddering climax. Not exactly Top 40 material. As for emotionally raw, could they possibly top the morbid hollowness of the lyric, "love is watching someone die..." from their 2005 track, What Sarah Said?

So it's fair to say all this hype about a supposed new direction was generated purely for media attention, either that, or it was to keep the indie-rock faithfuls blinded to the fact that Death Cab For Cutie are now corporate sell-outs, sitting comfortably in the boardroom chairs of Atlantic Records. And well, whatever the motive was, it was a success, the wool was over the eyes. After releasing the 9 and a half minute single, I Will Possess Your Heart they garnered the attention of both music critics and fans alike; the internet forums buzzing about their so-called different soundscape and dangerous experimentation.

Well, whatever misconceptions were hypothesised, they all evaporated once the album was released and it became clear that the barriers of what music could be were not being broken, frankly, it was just another Death Cab For Cutie album. That isn't to say that it isn't good. It's far from good. It's brilliant. It is a fully formed masterpiece of emotional depth and chamber pop melody. With Narrow Stairs the four boys from Seattle take the production maturity of their previous record Plans, and strip it down to raw, static filled, natural beauty. It is the sound of four band members switching on the mics and amps and playing like they were a high-school band jamming in a dusty garage. The music sounds alive, and not like each song has individually and painstakingly been put through 20 takes and several months under the switchboard.

Opening track Bixby Canyon Bridge lulls its listener into thinking it is just another Death Cab lullaby before a heavily distorted guitar drops, changing the tempo and meaning of the song. The frustrated guitar strums mimic Ben's lyrics as he illustrates his fruitless search for meaning and any sort of enlightenment at Bixby Canyon, declaring "i want to know my fate, if i keep up this way." The song's progression both melodically and lyrically intensifies as his hopes of being inspired by the serene environment silently crashes down in front of him with the realisation there's no divine epiphany to be had. The allusions to Jack Kerouak, the famous beat writer who escaped to Bixby Canyon to write Big Sur are subtle yet telling, as Ben tries to tap into the mystical atmosphere, conceding, "i trudge back to where the car is parked, no closer to any kind of truth as i must only assume was the case with you."

Many critics in the past have commented on Gibbard's likeness to a young Bob Dylan, not in social conscience but moreso articulation and vision. Chief songwriter for the band, Gibbard is blessed with the ability to convey the disturbances of people's souls, describing emotional torment and tragedy with vivid detail and accuracy. Though with that being said, Death Cab For Cutie are not a band that deal with the extremities of love and hate or death and life; rather they explore the inner complications of these existences. For this, some cynics label Ben a depressing pessimist, but his uncompromising honesty about human nature and insight into normally unchartered emotional terrain in popular music is what secures his reputation as one of the few lyrical geniuses of the 21st century.

This is most prominently seen in the song Cath... which ventures into familiar Gibbard territory, exploring yet another emotion that would usually be all too complicated for most songwriters to grasp. The song tells the story of a young girl who is falling into the wrong marriage, vividly describing the wedding day; "the well intentioned man", "the hand-me-down wedding dress" and "the whispers that it won't last" paint a pitiful portrait. The painful inaction in the lyrics expressing the hopelessness of the girl "who holds a smile like someone would hold a crying child." The observations of a tainted celebration epitomising Ben's ability to write complex narratives into hook-filled melodies, as the final lines tell of his personal pity and understanding at Cath's position confiding, "i'd have done the same as you..."

Grapevine Fires, the most melodically beautiful of all eleven vignettes trots along with Chris Walla's off-beat piano soothing its listener in atmospheric space, reminiscent of previous album (and career) highlight Brothers on a Hotel Bed. It is a simple tale of watching a young girl play in a graveyard behind the backdrop of Los Angeles bush fires, yet it is in this simplicity that the band finds its most emotionally affecting moment. Juxtaposing the happy nïavity of youth with the destruction of the fires, a message resembling 'carpe diem' lies just beneath the surface of the song's narrative as Ben warns, "it's only a matter of time until we all burn". And as he muses his thoughts like they are floating in his head, wistfully and detached, his resignation is balanced by a resound security, speaking words like an old sage, "that everything will be alright." Such calmness in the face of disaster mirrors the ominous melody of the track and shows the wisdom of a man who has weathered the pain of loss and accepts the inevitability of destruction.

Though in the end the fault of Narrow Stairs is that it cannot maintain the subtly in language and metaphor Grapevine Fires shows the potential for. Your New Twin Size Bed and the closing track, The Ice is Getting Thinner are both centered around basic and obvious metaphors for love-loss. And with Death Cab's catalogue filled with so many deeper and smarter tracks based on that same theme, Tiny Vessels and Title & Registration to name just two, there just isn't room for mediocrity on such a clichéd subject in popular music.

Still, such nitpicking is merely a product of trying to find a fault in a band who, with each album is setting the benchmark for what pop music should be in the 21st century. Narrow Stairs is a catchy, intelligent and serious pop record, one that should be hailed for its melodic complexity as much as its lyrical intensity and melancholy. Sadness in all its forms, never sounded so sweet.

A

Bursting Out Of My (Summer) Skin

I think the check-out chick at JB Hi Fi thought i was on speed or something. Such was my excitement at having Death Cab For Cutie's much hyped, long awaited LP Narrow Stairs in my hands. After 4 back-to-back listens, i will now boldly state it is an accomplished masterpiece of both melody and lyric, and that Ben Gibbard's eloquence and intelligence is unsurpassed in pop music today. Watch this space for an impending full review. I expect this album to be high on every critic's list come December.

That is all for now.
Good Night and Good Luck

BIFF! SPLAT! POW! BOOM! KABLAM!

It was with great anticipation that i got the chance to chat to up and coming mash-slash DJs, KABLAM! - Over the past few years these boys have made their name in the rainy city the hard way. By that i mean they've done their fair share of hustlin' with tryhard, egotist little boys who want nothing more than a late night set at a drug-infested club every Tuesday, Thursday & Saturday night.

The road definitely hasn't been easy, considering that there's a current ratio of 1 DJ for every 5 meters on Planet Earth, and granted most of them can mix relatively well, the only catalyst is their song selections. The key is don't play what everyone else does. But obviously I'm preaching to the converted here as KABLAM's regular online mix-tapes have received waves of praise on the mercurial forums - which is not surprising, the two Melbourne boys possess a record collection that would shame Beck and a skill that seamlessly melts the old funk of the day with progressive noise...what results from this is fun, unpretentious house music that gets people boogieing like Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction, and that's something for everyone to enjoy.

I'm not the only kid on the black who's noticed though, interest is steadily growing in the multimedia and film students following memorable performances supporting the likes of Bag Raiders, Ajax and the legendary French electronic bassist Fred Falke. Now with their forthcoming support gig for Alan Braxe, the brain and fingers behind the Upper Cuts and famed (if not over-played) anthem "Music Sounds Better With You", the boys finally seem to be receiving the recognition they've earned for their eclectic and unpredictable sets.

So there i sat with them, as much a fan as i was any sort of professional. The Lucky Coq provided the $4 pizzas, if you've never had saganaki on pizza before, i recommend it highly...

So, second year into the job and you're already playing with the dude who's worked with Thomas Bangalter (Mr. Daft Punk sans helmet). How the hell have you landed here?
Marty: (laughs) Umm I guess we just fluked it. We hung around DJ booths too much i guess...
Tom: Yeh we were just DJ clingers at Eurotrash for like ages and the promoter for (DJ) Streetparty very drunkenly asked if we could DJ.
Marty: The next week i think we got offered a gig at Pogo but it got canceled ten minutes before we were supposed to play. That was shattering, so we got drunk and went out.
Tom: Haha yeh that's the night we partied with (famous European DJ) Kissy Sell Out, that was so random. Streetparty made it up to us though by giving us a gig at Fashion Keyboard the next week. We fuckin' nailed that gig.

So do good performances fuel the scene? What do you guys think of the scene at the moment?
Tom: Well it's a hell of a lot better than Sydney that's for sure. Melbourne knows how to party, but Sydney just chin-stroke and watch you play.
Marty: Yeah the scene is good but it's very DJ fueled, the venues struggle a bit because the crowd goes just where the good DJs are. It has taken (Melbourne night club) Third Class at least a year and a half to get a regular crowd. There's no loyalty to the clubs themselves anymore.
Tom: There's no good sets anymore either though. Back in the day when every second person on the street wasn't a DJ you would have decent sets. At least 2 hours. Now you're lucky to get an hour, which isn't enough time to build a set at all, it's like you're always playing a greatest hits set.

Do you find yourself in competition with other DJ's for billings or slots?
Marty: Not really, we'll usually help each other if we can, but we still have to push to get numbers, ask to get people to come down and see us. The only time DJ's get shitty at eachother is when a night gets big numbers and certain timeslots get pushed back, and there's delays and stuff. People just get angry if they feel as if they're being fucked over, the same with any job.

Is there any back-bitching between different club DJs or DJs with different styles?
Marty: There's more conflict between promoters, because if one of us plays at one event and the other plays a different event, the organisers will get shitty if we're advertising two gigs.
Tom: Which sucks balls! That's why we get left off the posters and ads sometimes because angry promoters don't like that we're playing several places in one night. As for other DJ's, the only thing that gets me is the people who play purely Ableton or only CDJs and call themselves a DJ. if it's all going to be pre-made you might as well be playing it off your iPod.
Marty: I don't hate people who play CDs, but there has to be a live element to it. We use Ableton sometimes to clean up our sound, but if you're playing at a club and you are going to add a vocal track, do it live. The Yacht Club DJs are probably the best for that. They do great live mashing.

So has your style changed over the past year? What direction are you guys going in these days?
Marty: At the start we were just following the blogs. Mainly Discobelle and the like, which was good at first but it meant that a lot of who we were playing with were playing the same tunes as us.
Tom: These days we want what other people haven't got. Or we like to play what people used to love but have forgotten about.

So how are you finding music now?
Tom: Recommendations from people mostly.
Marty: And mixtapes. Just listening to different people's sets and getting tracklistings and exploring artists we don't know. I think we're getting a lot more confident in playing weird shit.

So who would you say your main influences for DJing are?
Marty: Well DJ Yoda's (BBC) Essential Mix started it all for me. Then i guess the Bang Gang DeeJays and the Dreamtime Mixtape, DFA and definitely Monkey (Marty's brother, a local funk/soul DJ hero). But now it's kind of changing, more chill people like Aeroplane, the things i'm listening to at the moment are influencing what i want to play.
Tom: For me it was the Discobelle Christmas Mix a few years back, Bag Raiders as well, I've learned so much from those boys. And even (Tom pauses and starts grinning) I'm going to go out on a limb here and say even Van Damage back in his early days. (Marty starts laughing)

Where do you guys see the electronic music scene in five years?
Marty: (with the straightest of faces) Robots yeh? It'll all be robots. Haha nah umm i don't really know, the scene is moving so fast, the large clubs can't sustain themselves, they keep closing down and having "grand" re-openings. i think how Berlin is now is where we will be in 5 years, hopefully anyway. Just lots of small clubs catering for niché groups and tastes. Kinda like what we have on Fitzroy St, except more widespread.

Do you two find yourselves increasingly separated from eachother for gigs? What do you think of performing separately as opposed to as a team?
Tom: Well i guess we take it as a compliment, if more than one person wants us it's a good thing. We're certainly getting used to it.
Marty: I guess we're more spontaneous together, because one of us will have a great idea for the next track and just interrupt and go with it. Plus we have very different styles of playing separately so when we play together it keeps things interesting.
Tom: Yeh we definitely don't ever play the same set twice.

Friday night. Packed House. What are your substances?
Tom: Vodka Redbull with lime!
Marty: Vanilla vodka and apple, that shit is the bomb! Little Creatures Bright Ale is also a good one.
Tom: The deal is when DJing, only alcohol.

Well considering your meteoric rise so far, where do you see KABLAM in a year's time?
Tom: I dunno, our dream is to get booked at Thirds. (Third Class)
Marty: I got booked, then got canceled for Bongmist. (owner of Third Class)
Tom: Hahahaha oh yeh that was funny, well you can't argue with the man can you?
Marty: Nah wouldn't want to, Bongmist is the shit!

To what extent does the crowd govern what you play?
Tom: It depends when and where you play i guess. If we're playing for Streetparty then the crowd is a big factor, especially we can't get anything out of them. I usually just drop Trentemøller's remix of "What Else Is There?" by Röyksopp. That always saves the day haha.
Marty: Somewhere like the Croft Institute, you can play whatever you want, because the crowd isn't focused on you. You're there as part of the furniture. Sometimes i like that, but sometimes i just want to get the crowd going.
Tom: I like to get the crowd going.

So you touched on it a bit before Marty, but what are you guys listening to at the moment?
Marty: (points to roof. Groove Armada has just finished as Mylo's "In Your Arms" begins) Cosmic Disco. I'm all about cosmic disco at the moment. I'm getting a lot of my music from fox and his mixes. (The Fantastic Mr. Fox - reputed Melbourne fringe DJ). Just a lot of Lindstrøm, Aeroplane and Pryda. Plus a bit of old old house like Stonebridge.
Tom: I'm really into Tangoterje. His edits are just amazing, Jimpster as well...

So, before we go do you wanna say hi to your mum?
Marty: Can i actually say hi to Hugh Waters?
Tom: (laughing) Yeh apparently the new thing is not to mix...

Leaving confused but very satisfied, the bill came to $12 and i left the boys to their afternoon of record shopping as i trekked home with a full stomach. If you want to catch the boys in action, they play varying weekly sets across Melbourne clubs. Check their myspace: www.myspace.com/kablamlovesfruit or if you're interested in seeing them with the one and only Alan Braxe, go to the facebook event page: http://www.new.facebook.com/event.php?eid=21988339573

Until next time fellow groupies,
peace and love.

be careful what you wish for...

After losing sleep due to unnatural amounts of excitement and nearly becoming a single man after screaming the words, "SPLENDOUR!!! SPLENDOUR!!!" in the throes of passion...

Splendour in the Grass's first line-up announcement finally arrived. And what an anti-climax it was.

It is a football team with no forward line and no defenders but with a fantastic mid-field. Frankly, it's a pretty shit team.

The headliners, who should in theory be kickin' goals, are woeful.
Devo - a forgotten and frankly weird band from the 80's are to have the honour of ending our Splendour experience. I have a few problems with this prospect.

Firstly, they cling to a fucking stupid 'devolution' gimmick like a fat girl to the hot chick at a club. Secondly, it is in my opinion that any band that is responsible for the atrocious lyrics, "you must whip it, whip it good" does not deserve to step foot on the luscious fields of Belongil, let alone occupy the position previously held by the greatness of Sonic Youth, Arctic Monkeys, Brian Wilson, Queens of the Stone Age and DJ Shadow.

Then there's Wolfmother. Where to start...
Not only did these guys piss me off by re-recording all four of the tracks from their self-titled EP for their album (lazy fucks) but then they proceeded to tour that album for what!?! Two years?!! Releasing how many fucking singles to be ruined on Nova!??!

Fuck guys, that's a sure-fire way to get everyone to hate your music and let us all know you're in it for the money...Now in 2008, with no new material available, they headline arguably the best international festival in Oz - Fuck That! And fuck their Grammy! No one respects the Grammys since Norah Jones took home like 20 one year anyway...

Not only were Wolfmother playing the exact same songs at Splendour in the Grass 2006 - but they were 6th or 7th on the bill. What has happened to their music since to justify the jump to being a headliner? Does a stupid golden gramophone sitting on your mantlepiece make your songs better or something?

I don't understand Splendour's logic. Even if Wolfmother gave us a preview of songs from their upcoming release, who wants a headliner set to be filled with songs you don't know? How awkward.

I'm sad to say though that this is far from being the only problem. Our defenders, both in the sense of defending the might of Aussie music, and being the backbone to any festival is also failing. The repetitive recycling of Australian Music at Splendour in the Grass is becoming boring and just plain annoying.

Along with Wolfmother; The Vines, Van She and The Grates are all 2006 veterans with no new material to play. And even worse are offenders Operator Please and The Panics who were there last year for fuck sake!

Conversely, I applaud The Presets for being at Splendour in the Grass 08 (despite being 2006 veterans aswell) because unlike the above said bands, they have a new album to showcase, and their set will be the pinnacle of their homecoming tour. Organisers should have applied this formula to the other Australian music choices. Here are just a few other options that were up for the taking...

Angus & Julia Stone - These 2006 veterans released a beautiful and under rated album last year called A Book Like This.
Little Red - Winners of the 'Garage2V competition' with their unique 1960's Happy Days-esque music.
British India - The Australian indie-rock success of 2007. Why? Why? Why are they not on the bill?
Lior - Fresh with a new album and a growing fan-base, Lior's voice would just make the women melt at the theatre stage.

So in the key positions of attack and defense, the Splendour tacticians really dropped the ball. But Thank God we at least have a fucking awesome mid-field. My predictions of Fratellis, Vampire Weekend, Pnau and Band of Horses should at least provide some respite along with the likes of Cold War Kids, MSTRKRFT and The Wombats. But overall the team at this stage is struggling, at the result of some bad band selections.

Ben Lee - If he doesn't get fruit and other objects thrown at him during his performance, I'll eat my own hat.

Scribe - Who cares about this guy anymore? Do rap aficionados even listen to him?

The Music - I seriously did NOT know these guys still existed. When was the last time they did anything?

The Living End - As much as i can understand Splendour's idea of putting these guys on, they have very little old-school value because they never appealed to the masses, but rather only the pop/punk enthusiasts...and even most of those guys have moved on by now...

Sigur Ros - Despite being an amazingly talented band, is just unsuited for Splendour's outdoors environment. If I was to see Sigur Ros perform live, (which would be blissful) i would want to be seated in a beautiful theatre with booming acoustics and I'd want the crowd to be fucking SILENT.

The subtle nature and texture of their music would just be ruined if there was some English tout screaming "VICTORIA BITTER!" at the top of his voice to reach his mate at the bar. Again, i can see what the Splendour organisers were trying to do, but alas it was another miss.

Disappointed is an understatement. I was devastated by this year's lineup, i keep a slim hope in my mind that they're saving their big guns for the second release, which should be sometime in June. By that time though, i will have already invested several hundred dollars, so it looks like this year is gonna be one helluva gamble.

I can recommend two possible ways for Splendour in the Grass to make up for this indiscretion:

1. Convince Lauryn Hill to come out of exile and play The Miseducation of... start to finish.

OR

2. Resurrect Kurt Cobain from the dead.


Anyone wanting more info on the fest regarding lineup or tickets or whatevs should hit up the website: www.splendourinthegrass.com

Dear Santa, i have been a good boy so please...

This is my Splendour in the Grass 2008 wishlist:

Radiohead - After crying in the shower after Thom Yorke canceled their second Melbourne show on the Hail to the Thief tour mere hours they were due on stage, its time for some reparations. And with their 2008 release In Rainbows circling the top of my 2007 album list, i would be more than happy to have them as my Sunday night headliner.

The Verve - Pretty much the most unexpected and awesome reformation last year apart from Rage Against the Machine. These guys have wowed their European audiences with all the classics plus new material which has been given the universal thumbs up. Urban Hymns played start-to-finish anyone? I think these guys could end my Saturday night in Byron quite nicely.

The Prodigy - Fat of the Land is the bible for ravers and is accessible enough for Cut/Copy fans to enjoy. This makes them one of the coolest and craziest dance/electronica/techno bands to have ever existed. If you've never driven your dad's convertible at 140 km/h on Dandenong Road listening to Voodoo People at a deafening volume, either you haven't lived, or you're not a fucking psychopath.

The Kooks - If they don't tour by the end of 2008 there will be assassinations. With a new record Konk which is (seriously believe me) better than Inside In, Inside Out (i know, fucking awesome!!!) i want the guys who make acoustic guitars cool to finally recognise that Australia is a continent that might actually be worth touring.

Bright Eyes - Patience is wearing thin with you too Conor....

Moby - This guy does what he wants, never conforming to what his audience wants or expects from him, something pretty rare in music these days. His new album Last Night is amazing, a concept album about an all-night bender. If you don't think that's cool, go back to playing World of Warcraft on your lonely Saturday night.

Franz Ferdinand - With word coming through Marvin Gaye's grapevine that the new album is a return to 'pure pop' - then it's time to get excited. Renowned for a killer live set and best friends with our boys the Cutters, we want some Scottish love from the boys that make historical figures insignificant in the face of rock'n'roll.

Fratellis - Same goes for you fuckers in terms of touring. I mean how long do we have to fucking wait to hear the scream-your-lungs-out Chelsea Dagger live? Using fatigue as an excuse to cancel your tour is weak enough in the first place but how long does that shit last anyway? Get back on the horse you pansies.

Vampire Weekend - They're a British rock band and they sound like they're from Africa. Do i need say more?

Lupe Fiasco - I've heard this guy called "rap for Coldplay fans" which despite being hilarious, i think has an element of truth to it - this guy knows how to write a melody let alone a lyric. The most under-rated rapper on the scene, this guy is the heir to Kanye's throne following his shockingly titled yet utterly brilliant 2007 release The Cool...(cringe)

Diplo - Pretty much the Jedi master of genre hopping. This guy can mash Black Sabbath with sebastiAn and sample Michael Jackson over the top, while drinking some absinthe at the same time. He's just that fucking good. He's the reason M.I.A and Bonde Do Role aren't on the dole and is the famed creator of remixes for Kanye West, Hot Chip, Justice and Bloc Party.

The Last Shadow Puppets - Well if we can't have Arctic Monkeys two years in the row, can we at least have Alex's side-project? Genius comes in many forms and under many different names you know...

The Presets - yeh yeh i know we've all seen 'em a bunch of times, but listen! They're awesome live and their new album is rock solid motherfucking GOLD!

Ben Folds - We all thought the orchestra thing was cool Ben. But how about this...get a guitarist, a bassist and a drummer and rock the tent to its foundations. Who could possibly hate this guy when he busts out One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces?

Pnau - Well I'm humble enough to admit it took me awhile to actually know how to pronounce the name of this band...same happened to me and Gotye come to think of it. Anyway these guys are too fun and happy to leave off the Splendour list. Get out the glowsticks, take whatever substance takes your fancy and dance like you can't feel your legs. N.B - coming from what friends of mine have said, if that substance happens to be Special K, you may not actually be able to feel your legs...

Kasabian - Like Lupe Fiasco, the last time they toured, the Big Day Out did not give these hooligans the honour they deserved insulting them with some shitty midday set. Let's bring on L.S.F and Shoot the Runner - get the ole mosh pit going yeh?

Adele - Coz her voice reminds me of Ella Fitzgerald. Those Amy Winehouse comparisons are way off, if anything she's more like Norah Jones, but with a bit more life in her body...which wouldn't be hard. Her album is gorgeous and having a fat bird there might be good publicity for the festival. Ouch.

Band of Horses - Their album Cease to Begin grew on me, took awhile but it eventually did. Now i'm obsessed and want to see The Funeral and Ode to LRC live. Do i need another reason? No.

PJ Harvey - I missed her Uh Huh Her tour and was close to suicide because of it, and although i wasn't the biggest fan of White Chalk...if i hear any song off Stories From the City, Stories From the Sea live, i think i'd orgasm. literally.

Death Cab For Cutie - New Record = new direction. And we like new direction by the sounds of the 8.5 minute single I Will Possess Your Heart. Although they were at Splendour '06, they played a stupid 3.30pm set which sucked and there were all these OC teeny boppers which just made me want to hurt people. Bring them back and give the indie-kings the respect they deserve.

Belle & Sebastian - Granted, they are wankers. Apart from that though, this band is so god damn talented it would be a shame if we didn't bring the 'wank factor' up a notch this year. It would be worth it. Don't believe me? Download The Boy With The Arab Strap and then come chat to me.

Cajun Dance Party - My newcomer of the year, the London boys should make their first visit down under a good one. Check out the myspace, its hard not to fall in love with Amylase.

Rilo Kiley - Jenny Lewis is so gorgeous, i want her in Byron just so i can find out where she's staying and propose to her. Another reason to have them there could be that this band is one of the coolest indie bands on the planet. And while their new slick direction with Under the Blacklight wasn't exactly my cup of tea - Jenny could make up for it I'm sure.

So am i asking for too much?

The Smashing Pumpkins - Festival Hall

Okay well before i talk about the gig let's get some things out of the way so we all realise the gravity of the situation...

The Smashing Pumpkins were without a doubt, one of the greatest and most influential bands of the 1990's. And when i say "one of" i mean like...top 5. Releasing their debut album Gish in the same year as the epic Ten and the era-defining Nevermind, these guys were the late bloomers of the bunch. But boy did they bloom, their second album Siamese Dream is still regarded as the seminal alternative rock album of the 1990's, and their epic, genre defying 28 song magnum opus, Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness brought them the highest selling double album of the decade.

Not bad ey? But as all the great bands do, they fell from grace after a drug scandal forced drummer Jimmy Chamberlain to quit the band and enter rehab. In his absence The Smashing Pumpkins recorded a down-beat introspective record called Adore, which was slammed upon release and lost them half their fan-base. Only recently in retrospective articles have critics back-stepped, regarding it now as a masterpiece with fans finally accepting its avant-garde beauty...Kid A anyone...?

In 2000, they released a piece of shit covered in wankery, named Machina/The Machines of God, but to tell you the truth none of us were surprised. If you were a true Smashing Pumpkins fan, you always knew Billy had it in him, that wank was just dying to come out. Unfortunately it killed them and they broke up shortly afterwards.

Fast-Forward to last year. Reformation at Last! And an announcement in November that they would headline the 2008 V Festival. After all my praying and (i'm not joking) dreaming of seeing them live back in high-school, the Pumpkins were back! Granted, it was without James Iha and D'Arcy Wretzky, but it was rumoured they were so drug-fucked Billy had to play all their parts on Siamese Dream anyway. So that was no loss in my mind. As long as Jimmy and Saint Corgan were there, seeing them would be a box on my 'life to-do list' ticked.

Firstly. Shit venue. Festival Hall? For all the ethereal beauty and ornate melodies that encompass Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, why perform them in a soul-less, dank tin shed? Secondly, if you're not going to have a supporting band and plan on beginning your show at 7.45 on the dot, it would be wise to have that info on the ticket so at least half the crowd can arrive in time for the opening song. I was lucky enough to find out about the dinner-time start on the blogs but judging by the empty stands when the Pumpkins graced the stage, many others missed out on what was a spectacular opening, the sprawling 9.5 minute, Porcelina of the Vast Oceans.

Now, you would think any well-meaning band would play a 'greatest hits' set list after being on hiatus for the last eight years and not having toured the country in fourteen, but the Pumpkins had never liked to conform to people's expectations. Taking four songs to reach a crowd favourite, we finally smiled and sung with all the air we could muster for the beautifully string-laden, Tonight, Tonight.

This circumstance would epitomise the concert. When the band gave the crowd what they wanted, Festival Hall was transformed into a gathering of love, nostalgia and admiration not unlike the hippie communes of the 1960's. But more often than not, the egos of the Pumpkins just wouldn't give that to us.

It may seem controlling and obnoxious of me to want a band to only play crowd favourites, but when you have the ability (which not many bands do) to have an entire set of hits and anthems (which they haven't played in 8 years)...why play unknown or obscure trash? Superchrist an 8 minute unreleased heavy metal affair was interesting, but it was hard to see past the potential for that 8 minutes to be filled with something a little bit more crowd satisfying.

And alas, such early disappointment was only a hint of what was to come. Bad song choices such as Lily (my one and only), easily the worst song off their otherwise brilliant Mellon Collie album, when chosen over so many other classics led this reviewer to feel that the band was specifically trying to piss off fans. A feeling that was cemented after they ended their concert with a B-side to their 1996 single, Thirty Three called My Blue Heaven, a piece of broadway piano pomp. Perhaps choose the A-side over the B-side next time Billy...

That is not to say the entire concert was a crushing disappointment. A beautiful and heartfelt rendition of Mayonaise was both unexpected and touching in a way that literally had tears streaming down my face, and acoustic versions of 1979 and its sister song Perfect were nothing short of magnificent. Today received a similar overwhelming reception to Bullet With Butterfly Wings, both of which got a semi-decent mosh-pit going. The highlight of the concert though was Drown. Written for the soundtrack to Cameron Crowe's movie Singles in 1992 but also featuring on their greatest hits Rotten Apples, its melodic beauty using their trademark loud-soft dynamic was just gorgeous, truly mesmerising stuff...

But these points of emphatic glory only served to highlight the unnecessary large amounts of shit that surrounded them. Personally, it was hard to appreciate the moment knowing that it was most likely going to be followed by an obscure, nothing song or piece of guitar wank. I'm certain that the Pumpkins wanted to do whatever the fuck they wanted that night and merely gave the crowd some scraps to chew on. As soon Billy felt that he'd given us the mandatory 5 hits, that was it, time for the inevitable trip to to BillyWorld....the land of songs only he knows, filled with gross amounts of distortion and feedback.

And that's the awful thing about inevitability because after dumbfounding the audience by ending the concert on a song that sounded like it came from Guys and Dolls, the house lights went up and I found myself surrounded by a few thousand angry Pumpkins fans. Billy returned after about ten minutes (which seemed like an eternity), and quickly placated the crowd with The Everlasting Gaze, a single of mediocre brilliance. The crowd were rapturous though, by now, obviously the frame of mind was to enjoy anything that was the least bit familiar...

The next 30 minutes of the concert was a waste of my valuable time. After playing another B-side, this time one from their lowest selling album of the 1990's Adore, they segued into three teasing covers; Britney Spears's Piece of Me, Buffalo Springfield's For What It's Worth and AC/DC's Let There be Rock. After ten minutes of that unnecessary rabble, Billy had obviously noticed the yawns emitting from Festival Hall, giving us one last oldie, Crush, an album track off their debut Gish...hardly the monster hit, but still more satisfying than the previous four songs put together.

So just when we all thought he might end the concert with a few treats to have us all smiling and feeling warm on the way out....he went and pissed us off a little further. There was so much noise surrounding me at this point, a cover of the vocal-less Pink Floyd song Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun was played without me knowing, and must've melted into their utterly deplorable song off last year's release Zeitgeist, the ten minute long United States.

Honestly, United States is the most boring and despicably repetitive piece of shit I've ever heard, and just for kicks, they like to drag it out to twenty minutes when they do it live. I would actually rather be at a Delta Goodrem concert than The Smashing Pumpkins while they play that song. It just never ends. The fact that i didn't even know they had played the Pink Floyd cover until i looked up the set list on the band's website is indicative of the length of unrecognizable guitar distortion and feedback we had to endure. And then. It was over.

No old-school track to finish on. No classic anthem to have everyone sing-a-long with. Nup. That's not the Pumpkins way. After over 30 minutes of mindless guitar trickery (which anyone with expensive effects pedals could do) they left the stage, never to return. And then came the boos...

And i don't blame them, the concert had the potential to be a reaffirmation of great 90's American Rock Music, but instead it was a conformation that Billy Corgan is one of the biggest tossbags in the music industry. A message to the giant himself: Come back to Australia if you ever take the time to squeeze that big, bald head of yours out from your rectum. And one last thing Billy, if you've made millions of dollars over the past decade by merchandising your iconic ZERO shirt, and thousands of people turn up to your shows wearing it, play the fucking song.

In Ghost Colours

When a stripper is slowly revealing her body to a lonely businessman at Spearmint Rhino, something is usually happening inside the tailored pants of this lucky man. Surprisingly, the chemical reaction is quite similar for a good album. The longer the anticipation, the faster the guy will blow his load. Cut/Copy's sophomore release In Ghost Colours is testament to that, coz its been 4 fucking years of foreplay and personally i was about to explode.

So when the album finally landed on the fat platform of Number 1 in the Australian ARIA albums chart on March 30th; the sultry voice of Dame Shirley Bassey echoed in my ears, "that it's all just a little bit of history repeating."

Because Hey! It had worked before! Oasis... you know, that arrogant Britpop band full of wankers that still think they own the world... Well they released their debut album Definitely Maybe in 1994 after cock-teasing the Brits with three singles, including the anthemic Live Forever - so when their album finally dropped they were already the biggest band in the country and they had the fastest selling record in U.K history.

Obviously the boys at Modular were watching and taking notes because with Hearts on Fire being released in March '07, they've sure been giving us a lot of time to twiddle our thumbs, and other parts of our body for that matter...November came rollin' and scratchin' along with the harder and dirtier So Haunted single. And we all had another reason to hug our best mate and jump up and down like dickheads at 3am in some shitty nightclub after the release of the feeling gooder than good Lights and Music on March the 1st.

So the sneaky little bastards knew what they were doing all along, and fair fucks to them because when i arrived at the opening acoustic guitar chords of Feel the Love - i was doing just that. The rest is a cosmic dream. While their debut album Bright Like Neon Love was brilliant, it was although the band didn't know whether they were imitating Daft Punk or Air - stuck in that grey area between indie-electro-dance and lounge music.

But after 4 years of solid touring with the likes of The Presets, Sebastian, Kavinsky and the Robot Rockers themselves, Cut/Copy have learned how to make even emos dance if they have to. In Ghost Colours is essentially an electro record with all the perks and dynamics of a great rock album. Slowly building bridges that lead into crescendo choruses are plentiful and as catchy as malaria in Indonesia. The Cutters have definitely mastered the technique of the 'woo ohhs and ah ahhhs' as their staple backing vocals but it is with Dan Whitford's new-wave voice that the pop songs really come together.

Sounding like the lovechild of Depeche Mode and Roxy Music, Tom's voice is given more clarity and prominence on this album, a welcome change considering the obvious growth in their lyrical depth. Yes lyrics! not usually the strongest asset of electronic music (just shake what your momma gave you and flaunt it...) but this is where Cut/Copy show us what all the hype is about. The group's ability to strike a balance between intellectual wordplay and sing-along choruses make this an album that is brilliant from the first time you hear it but also has considerable longevity. I challenge anyone not to sing along to the infectious last minute and a half of Out There On The Ice and the chorus of Far Away - both destined to be crowd/radio/club favourites.

In Ghost Colours wears its heart on its sleeve (no pun made about fire, despite temptation) but this only adds to the album's overall pop beauty - a shameless attraction to its own dreamy and punchy hooks. The album is one big hunk of synthed up love and just might be one of the best electronic releases since Röyksopp's The Understanding.

A message to The Presets: the bar has been set.
A+